How the world is like Disneyland?
- We pay a high price
- To find a fleeting emotional high
- We visit a fantasy land filled with artificial magic
- There is beautiful music and parades about meaninglessness
- As we walk down main street artificial snow machines spray us with bubbles that are not really snow
- We are corralled like crowds of cows through long lines for a 2 minute ride that in many cases is less then we imagined
- At the end of the day we are tired, sore and poor
- Nothing is real about the entire experience except for the smiles on our children's faces and the memory of us loving them which they will forever cherish
Why will I write this article? The truth is that I have been feeling miserable inside. I asked God to deliver me the truth and in return I have received this misery. I feel like I live both above this miserable reality and trapped inside it at the same time. People may think I am happy because of the smile on my face, but don't be deceived. Each day God is giving me a tour of a battlefield where people are dieing, the wounded lie suffering and a few heros share small victories about saving peoples lives. There are days where the truth feels like it is crushing my soul and sucking the life out of me. The only freedom the truth brings me is the fact that I will truly be free someday when I fully enter into the Kingdom of God. Today the church paints a mostly false picture of God's Kingdom that reminds me of Disneyland. Today I only experience a small part of God's Kingdom and am left with hunger pains.
It is no wonder that John the Baptist stood in a river wearing camel fur and eating locusts with honey. I have reached a point in my life where I see people running in circles trying to find there lives and losing them in the process. Like the smashing pumpkin song says "despite all my rage I'm still just a rat in a cage". Someday I will look back as a wise old man and see even more meaninglessness. What my true identity will amount to is who I was when I walked in the spirit. God is love we too equal the amount of true love we transmit. We all carry wounds that infect/plague our relationship with God and each other. We lose touch with who we are then sin results in the seperation these wounds create and that is why forgiveness and healing go hand and hand. God heal us all.
All we have been given is today. We are not supposed to worry, just do our best one day at a time and live in the moment (like I always say, but seldom do). In this moment I have two great kids and a great wife, a roof over my head, food and things are ok. I'm going to enjoy it because it's all I have. I can't live in this darkness anymore because it is torture. God is good He is not a villain. After all He's done for me and miracles He has shown me, I am still unbelieving sometimes and I can over complicate the truth. I will do my best today – I am enough, what I do and what I provide is enough - for me and for God and I will just live in that reality - not above, not below - just in it. If I don't let go of this fear, my sons will carry it as men. No one else can fix my misery - all I can do is give my life to God and let him lead and that brings me relief.
Well it is not like I am going to jump off a bridge or something like that. I will say this it does seem like I feel things more then a lot of people as in the fact that lately bad news hitting me much harder then usual. I feel a bit sarcastic right now. People who tell me to just be happy make me angry. I want to say GEE THANKS SO THE ANSWER TO MY PROBLEM IS JUST BE HAPPY AND STOP THINKING SO MUCH. I could go back into hiding to avoid hearing simple answers to complicated problems.
Was Jesus happy?
Were the prophets happy?
Is to be spiritually strong to be happy?
OR...... Does something happen as we spiritually mature? Do we become more sensitive? Do we start to see things we never noticed before? What is the cross that Jesus asks us to carry? Why in the beatitudes are so many negative emotions mentioned? Are happy people spiritual people or people in denial shutting out the pain of others?
You will have to excuse my tough questions.
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